What Hurts the Most
by Francine2869
Summary: A postfinale fic. What if Harm had let Mac walk away that night in his apartment and continued to London on his own?
1. What Hurts the Most

** What Hurts the Most **

The song is "What Hurts the Most" by Rascal Flatts. I wrote this piece in once sitting just because the inspiration and emotion all hit me at once. I'm considering continuing with other song-fic chapters but I might just leave it here. Please enjoy.

_**I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me**_

Harm wandered around the small house that he'd finally decided on in London. With 3 bedrooms and 2 baths, a great kitchen and living room it was a great place for he and Mattie, who would be joining him in a few months time. He was suddenly glad that she wasn't there to see him tonight and that there wasn't anyone around. It was the anniversary of his promise to Mac and his heart was so heavy he was surprised it hadn't fallen out of his chest.

**_I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out_**

He'd brought pictures with him, unable to leave behind her face and her memory. Pictures of he and Mac at Bud and Harriet's wedding, AJ's christening, picnics, parties, times when they had been friends, enemies and sometimes when they hadn't known each other at all. He felt the tears start as he looked at their picture from Afghanistan, after the land mine incident.

_**I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while**_

He'd barely made it through the work day today, operating simply because he couldn't take a day out of the office this soon and while so many things were going on. He didn't want his new staff asking questions, although he was aware they'd been whispering behind his back about his sullen face and closed off attitude.

_**Even though going on with you gone still upsets me**_

He hadn't seen Mac for months, since that night at his apartment when he'd tried to tell her that this was for the best. That maybe this was fate's way of telling them it would never work out. After all, with so many struggles put in their path how had they ever thought that they'd ever get a chance, let alone be happy together.

_**There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok**_

**_But that's not what gets me_**

He'd called the Roberts' earlier to wish AJ a happy birthday and give Harriet a quick update about his new life. Harriet had tried to turn the conversation more personal, asking when he would be visiting next and hinting that Mac might be back for Thanksgiving but he made some excuse about having too much work and not being sure when, or even if, he'd be able to get away.

**_What hurts the most_**

He grabbed a photo album off his bookshelf and sat on the couch. The room was lit by a small lamp on the side table and the rain made dreary patterns down the large front windows. When he opened the front page he swore he could smell her perfume, but knew it wasn't real because she'd never seen this book. She didn't even know it existed.

_**Was being so close**_

He'd started it after their first mission together with her uncle Matt. He'd wanted to record everything fresh, as he remembered it at the time. Maybe for posterity, maybe for… that something else that he'd felt, even in the beginning. Over the years he'd kept adding to it, a picture here, a small token like a movie ticket or newspaper clipping there.

**_And having so much to say_**

He'd written little messages beside many of them, but he knew every one without looking at its brief explanation or history. Every note she'd left in his office with her signature, every candid photo that he'd taken or been handed. He knew that people had talked about his "collection" because somehow whenever someone had taken a picture of her at an event, found one in the paper they brought it to him and without a word he took it.

**_And watching you walk away_**

As he turned the pages he remembered the night in his apartment. She'd quietly accepted his noble speech and without a word kissed him on the cheek and walked out, not turning around once.

_**And never knowing**_

She hadn't told him he was wrong or tried to contest him. He'd thought that maybe, just maybe, she could tell him that it was the opposite. That they'd worked so hard to stay together so far that there could _only _be happiness for them in the future, that if they'd just give it one more chance they could have everything thing they'd dreamed of.

**_What could have been_**

He'd dreamed many things over the years, while he was with others and while she was with others. Many moments he'd rewritten in his mind thinking, 'what if Mac had been there' or 'what would Mac have done?'. The desire for a family had driven him to try with Mattie and to at least be friends with Mac again, but he'd gone so much further in his dream. He'd had visions of a wedding, children, a house – a home.

**_And not seeing that loving you_**

He wasn't sure when he'd admitted to himself that he loved her. He'd admitted it to Mattie after she'd questioned him but always in the back of his mind was the definite knowledge that yes, he loved Mac.

_**Is what I was tryin' to do**_

Many times he'd thought they were close to something. That elusive quality that others seemed to stumble upon frequently. But one or the other would dance away and it would disappear again and they'd be back to friends or mere acquaintances. He'd always known what to do with women, always been sure of a response but with her, nothing was sure. And he didn't even know what he was doing half the time and how it would turn out.

**_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go_**

He'd had to say something to his new staff about his personal life, just to get started on the right foot. He'd told them about Mattie and a few of the more adventurous had spoken up and joked about that a man like him must have a woman. He remembered telling Sturgis that she had him, but in this instance he'd simply shook his head and said, 'no, no one.' He talked to Bud and Harriet frequently, sometimes at work and often just to say hi to his old friends. But somehow a topic would lead to her or there'd have just been news about here. The phone calls had become somewhat stilted and short in the last few days, and he'd also had to avoid wandering around the house while he was on the phone in case he caught a glimpse of her face and the conversation would turn into him asking Harriet what had gone wrong. He didn't want to put that on her after he knew she'd been one of their strongest supporters since the beginning of, whatever they had been.

**_But I'm doin' It_**

As he turned a few more pages he wiped a tear and ran a hand through his hair. But luckily it had only been the last week or so that things had been really bad. Usually he could keep her memory locked away until he let it out, which was rare. At work he didn't have any time to relax and he'd occupied himself with finding a house and arranging Mattie's schooling and moving schedule so that his mind hadn't had time to wander to anything else.

**_It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone_**

Bud had been to London once, on a case, but he'd stopped into the office to say hi. It was so good to see a friendly face and they'd gone to lunch at a small pub. Bud of course pulled out pictures that Harriet had send of the twins. Harm examined each, exclaiming about their growth and how they looked like their parents. He was almost done when the last four suddenly caught his heart. Apparently taken either before she'd left or while she was on a visit back in Washington, Mac sat cradling one of the twins in her arms. She was smiling at the camera in the first picture, but caressing the girl's smooth cheek in another, holding her on her shoulder and kissing her temple in another, and looking back to the camera with a look of, what could only be described as longing on her face. "I forgot those were in there!" Bud commented, and Harm tore his eyes away, quickly handing the entire pile back. "They're beautiful Bud" he stated. Bud nodded and quietly said "Yes, _they_ are."

**_Still Harder_**

Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
After they'd returned to the office and Harm had walked Bud out, he returned to his desk to find the four pictures, with a sticky note on top with a phone number. He didn't have to wonder what the number was. He'd never asked for Mac's new number, afraid that if he'd had it he'd start to dial her number and not know what to say. He didn't want to reach out again after they had, supposedly, ended things and give her (and himself) false hope. So he almost threw the small piece of yellow paper out, but at the last moment he tucked it inside his daytimer. Now it was staring him in the face every time he opened the book and reminded him of his decision to let her walk away, mocking him as time went on and he became more and more sure that it had been a mistake.

**_But I know if I could do it over_**

How many times had he wished for a second chance to erase words he'd caused pain with, or to redo an action that had driven them apart. How many times had he picked up the phone or started at the piece of paper with her phone number since he'd received it to call her, talk to her, see if there was any way she'd give him that choice this time.

**_I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart_**

He turned more pages in the photo book and looked at the little notes beside a picture of her at the JAGathon and another of them sitting under a tree at a picnic the Roberts' had hosted to celebrate the beautiful summer weather and the coinciding of their free schedules. Eloquence had been his strong suit as a lawyer. He'd often used words to change minds, present facts in a flattering way or to convince judges of a client's innocence or as a prosecutor, their guilt. But when it mattered, he stuttered and stammered and couldn't seem to just spit out what he wanted to say. How many times had he attempted to bring his feelings out in the open and set them free, only to have the words twist and turn on the way out so things never turned out right. Each time had gotten harder until he stopped trying, convinced that it was another way fate was 'warning' them to stay away from each other.

**_That I left unspoken_**

So he hadn't said anything when she'd walked away, almost certain that if he'd said anything, it would have driven her away faster. So he selfishly watched her face contort in feelings of despair, longing, hurt and finally acceptance before she finally agreed and left.

And as he sat there in the dim lighting, listening to the rain patter on the roof of the house, he couldn't speak again. All he could do was cry as he watched pictures of his old life pass before his eyes. Tears fell on pictures, notes, dried flowers, movie stubs, newspaper clippings and now, the four additional photos he'd added on the last page. He traced her face with a finger and leaned his head back on the couch, closing his eyes. As he simply concentrated on breathing, he heard the phone ring on the desk across the room. To exhausted and broken to even try he sat through the 5 rings, closing the photo book and running his hands over it. The message machine picked up and he heard his own toneless voice speak a short message. Another click and then silence. He cracked an eye as the silence continued and then sat up with both eyes on the machine as he heard it.

"Harm, I'm phoning you because…"

_**What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do**_


	2. Goodbye Time

**Goodbye Time**

_The song is "Goodbye Time" by Blake Shelton. Thank you to everyone for the wonderful reviews. I hope you enjoy this chapter as well. I now see a story developing behind this and will continue. Thanks again! _

_**It's your life - you say you need a change**_

Mac dropped her briefcase as soon as she stepped in her front door and slipped off her shoes. The day had been a terror and she didn't even want to think about the work she still had to finish before tomorrow morning's staff call. As she rubbed a hand over her neck, she walked through the living room of her new apartment and into the smaller kitchen. Tonight was definitely going to be a comfort food meal, she couldn't remember the last time she'd needed one more. The thought made her pause for a moment as she started pulling ingredients out of the fridge. She distinctly remembered the last night, make that week, that she'd existed on her favourite comfort foods. Her first week at her new command in San Diego was a blur except from the moment she'd walked out of Harm's apartment up. She wasn't sure when the haze had begun to wear off but luckily she'd been proficient enough at her job during the time so no one had asked any questions. **_  
_**

**_Don't all the dreams we've seen come true mean anything  
_**

As she starting browning some hamburger for a spaghetti sauce she could almost hear the words he'd spoken. Words about how he thought it was time they 'moved on' because fate wasn't going to let them be together if she hadn't yet. About how a normal couple wouldn't have to go through as many struggles as they had and it wasn't worth it anymore.

_**You say it's different now and you keep staring at the door**_

If she was honest with her herself, she'd seen the fear and panic in his eyes and known that he didn't actually believe what he was saying, but desperately trying to convince her and himself that it was true. Who knows what would have happened if she'd pushed a little harder, come on a bit stronger. But she'd decided that it wasn't worth the effort. What could they ever have if she had to convince him to even give it a chance. So in the end she'd walked away, without looking back. **_  
_**

**_How can you walk away, don't I matter anymore?  
_**

She started the pasta to boil and put the top on, moving through the living room again to her bedroom to change clothes. She was still thinking about that night as she donned a pair of well worn jeans and a loose Marine Corps t shirt and sweater. Harm had just let her walk away without making a sound. He hadn't called or tried to contact her through email since then either. She'd heard second-hand knowledge from Harriet about how things were going for him in London, feining indifference in the conversation while listening intently to every word. **_  
_**

_**If being free is worth what you leave behind**_

She walked into the living room, stopping to take a look around at the shelves filled with books on palaeontology, law, and some new additions on endometriosis and alternative methods of conceiving a child. She wiped away a tear, turning from the image those books represented. What hope did she have now of conceiving? She wasn't going to find anyone else that she'd want to have a child with and she didn't think she could do it all on her own. Maybe in a few months she'd look into adoption but at the moment the grief was too fresh. **_  
_**

**_And if it's too late for love to change your mind  
_**

She moved to a shelf of photographs that she almost hadn't unpacked. Moments of time caught in still images that proved the old adage, a picture is worth a thousand words. They formed a timeline of the partnership that had survived so many obstacles, real and imagined. Time and time again they'd been separated by location, other people or their own stubborn feelings but they'd always managed to find a way to get back to each other. One of the later pictures of them caught her eye and she picked it up. After Harm and Vukovic had worked together on the Sanguinius case, a group from the office had gone out to McMurphy's to congratulate Bud on beating the 'Dream Team.' Harm hadn't been able to stay long as he wanted to get out to Mattie but he'd come for a few minutes and they'd been talking by the front door when Harriet had come around with a camera. They'd both griped about having their picture taken but had acquiesced and Harm had lifted an arm around her shoulders at the last moment. She'd wanted to look up at him but resisted. Harriet took the picture and when she'd finally turned Harm was reaching for his coat, his arm was gone from her shoulders and the moment was lost. It was the last time she could remember things being that easy between them.

**_Then it's goodbye time  
_**

Apparently he'd looked down at her while she resisted and the picture that Harriet had sent her a few weeks ago was a constant source of regret to her. If she'd only taken that chance and returned his gaze, if she'd only showed… something. Maybe he would have had hope instead of giving up on everything. She replaced the picture with a sigh and moved into the kitchen again, pushing her sleeves up. She checked the pasta and dumped a can of pasta sauce in with the meat, putting some store-bought garlic bread under the broiler. She got out a plate, glasses and utensil for one, her heart aching as she thought of all that could have possibly been. **_  
_**

**_If we had known our love would come to this  
_**

How could they have known the twists and turns their lives would take when they met? Would they have avoided them if there had been any indication of the years ahead? There were a lot of things in her life that Mac wished she could relieve, change, but nothing with Harm. Every moment had been important and had made them what they were today. Every struggle, sacrifice and joy had been leading to …something, whatever you could call the connection between them.

**_We could have saved our hearts the hurt of wasted years  
_**

She finished preparing her dinner and grabbed some files out of her briefcase to read while she was eating. She tried to concentrate but she kept imagining what it would be like to look up and see him sitting across from her. If he had come with her, or if she had gone with him, would they be sharing dinner and work right now? Would they be sharing their lives over a family dinner each night when Mattie joined them?

**_Well it's been fun - what else can I say  
_**

But she gave herself and mental shake and frowned. She couldn't keep thinking like this. She had to resign herself to her _actual _fate. She was alone, and would be that way for at least the near future. She couldn't see herself with anyone else, but she had to keep up some hope. She tried to find the anger that she was supposed to feel about Harm just giving up and letting her walk away but she was too tired of fighting her feelings to try to deny them again now. She couldn't really fault him for doing what they'd both done a million times over the years, second guessing the depth and nature of each other's feelings and intentions. She opened another file and decided that this wasn't going to rule her life anymore.

**_If the feeling's gone words won't stop you anyway  
_**

A few hours later she'd eaten and cleaned up and was hard at work at the desk in her living room. She sat up to stretch for a moment and as she lifted her head, a book caught her eye. It was a text on surrogate mothers that Harriett had given her the last time Mac had visited their house. After holding the twins Mac had separated herself and stood by a window, not seeing the view but a child with her dark looks and Harm's flyboy smile. She would love a boy and could see a little girl with Harm wrapped around her little finger. She tried to brush Harriet off when the other woman had come to talk to her, but ended up telling her the entire story and crying on her should about lost chances and fate. She couldn't help thinking about the concept again as she sat alone that night. A thought took root and would not become free. She tried making excuses to herself, saying she had too much work to do and that it would never work but found herself reaching for the phone just the same. She opened her day-timer to a never before used number that Bud had emailed her after he'd investigated a case in London. She started dialing, berating herself as she did so and almost hung up when she heard the answering machine come on. As his voice flowed over her she couldn't discern what he was saying, only that something finally clicked and she knew what she wanted, and she was going to go for it.

"Harm, I'm phoning you because…" **_  
_**

**_If being free is worth what you leave behind  
And if it's too late for love to change your mind  
Then it's goodbye time_**


	3. Love Will Always Win

**Love Will Always Win **

_I know I haven't updated in a while but I found this chapter more difficult to right. It didn't go where I had planned but I like how it turned out. London and San Diego are 8 hours apart (from what I've consulted) so this conversation is taking place on a Friday night, about 6'oclock PM for Mac and 2'oclock AM on the next morning for Harm. It might not seem reasonable but that's the only way I could make this work believably! The song is Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood's "Love will Always Win" Enjoy!  
_

**_Hold on like there's no tomorrow.  
_**Harm stood and moved quickly to the phone, but couldn't move once he stood within handling distance of it. He put a hand forward but stopped halfway there, flexed his hand open and then shut again, slowly moving it back to his side. She was still talking, her voice brisk and business like. "I've made a decision Harm." He reached then and picked up the phone, holding on to the plastic with a tight grip as he lifted it to his ear.

_**There can be no sorrow,**_

"Hello … Mac". He wanted to call her Sarah. Wanted to be blurt out a joke so she'd laugh or a frustrating story so she'd comfort him, anything that would fill the void of silence that had appeared when she stopped talking. "Harm, hi." She was short and curt. Not rude, but he had a feeling that was because her manners were too developed to let her be anything but civil in a phone conversation. Sometimes he'd been able to hear her smile when he'd phoned, simply by calling her 'Marine' he could elicit a laugh and a 'Flyboy' in return. He frowned. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. But he supposed he could only blame himself.

_**Right here where we stand.**_

"I'm going to have a child." She stunned him for a moment, forced him to sit on the armrest of the couch. "I can't wait around for something or someone to tell me it's the right time anymore." He took a deep breath, realizing that she was saying she wasn't physically pregnant yet. "My chances of conceiving are diminishing every day and I want to be a mother." He could hear her sigh on the other end and could imagine her drumming her fingers on any available surface. "Harm … I called you because I want it to be your child."

**_  
And living only for this moment  
_**

He rubbed a suddenly sweaty palm on his jean covered thigh and closed his eyes. This was it. He couldn't do it anymore. Had she phoned about anything else, he could have brushed it off and stayed strong in his resolve that they shouldn't get involved. But he'd always wanted this, wished for it and the thought of it had kept him going in his lowest moments. He couldn't pretend that he didn't want _her_ and everything that came along with her. He'd been afraid that his resolution would have failed that night back in Washington, but it was somehow fitting that he was finally ready to 'let go' when they were continents apart. "I want that too Mac."

**_All we've ever wanted,  
_**

It was all he'd ever wanted. He remembered dating Annie Pendry and spending time with Josh. He'd always liked children, their inquisitive minds and innocent spirits. He'd always wondered if he'd hoped to save them all the loneliness and confusion that he'd faced in his younger life after his father had disappeared. In his more domestic moments he'd imagined having a family. A wife and children and a home. He knew many people would scoff at the idea of the great fighter pilot and international lawyer thinking of settling down, but the truth was that it had been on his mind for a long while, increasingly so since he and Mac had gotten closer throughout their partnership together. The wife he dreamed of now had a face, the children had identities of hair color and personalities modeled after her and himself. What he wanted was suddenly clear, as if someone had taken a picture and showed it to him.

_**Is right here in our hands.**_

"I'm sorry about that last night –" She cut him off with a sound of annoyance. "I didn't call to talk about our history. I'm looking toward my future and I want to share it with someone." She paused for a moment. "I want my own family Harm." He was confused and sifted a hand through his hair before speaking. "Our deal still stands Mac. I still want to have a child with you." He had to be careful here, to remind her of what could still be between them. It was literally now or never for he knew he'd never get another chance after this.

_**  
And some will say that we're sure to fall,**_

"Harm I'm asking you to _give _me a child. I want you to be the biological father and have some input in his or her life, but I'm doing this for me. I want _my _child and _my _future." He stood and started pacing. What was she asking? For him to contribute a piece of himself, add to the parts of himself that he'd left with her and then simply, let her go again? Let her live their future without him? Suddenly the picture of the home and the wife and the children faded and a bleak feeling of loneliness came over him.

_**  
Try and build their walls between us. **_

He glanced up at the photos on his desk of the JAG crew and of Bud and Harriet's faces rapt with attention as they focused on their children. He looked at the photo book he'd left on the coffee table in front of the couch. It was still open to the pictures of Mac holding Nikki, cradling the small baby as she slept. "Harm you were right in Washington. A relationship between us would never work, we'd end up fighting all the time and neither of us could be happy." He listened to her words and tried to remember the last time he'd been completely happy and only knew that she'd been there. The last time he had been happy had been when she'd smiled at him, when she'd looked up at him with that sparkle in her eye that he was never quite sure about. Yes, there were many reasons that it would never work, but why had he never looked at why it would?

**_No way over it, no way around it. _**

He grinned wryly as for once in a long while he was honest with himself. The military had been his life for so long, in certain ways since he was born considering his dream had always been to follow in his father's footsteps. Sometimes he'd used the lifestyle and principles that had been drilled into him as an excuse, sometimes as a lifesaver to hold on to when everything else seemed to be falling apart. But at that moment he couldn't remember why he'd held onto it so tightly. It was all so clear now, he didn't know why he hadn't see it before.

**_  
If we want it, we have to go through it.  
_**

"I propose that we conduct this as a business agreement. You and I can conduct ourselves as responsible adults throughout and part amicably at the end of our association." He shook his head, surprised that he had the urge to chuckle. He wanted more than this and he was going to have more. Now that he'd made the decision he was prepared to go full steam ahead toward his goal. He sat in front of the photo album and touched her face, relieved when instead of the loneliness that had been plaguing him, warmth flowed through him and his resolve was strengthened even more. He was about to speak but paused for a moment and that's when he heard it. Mac's breathing was more laboured, slightly gaspy as if she was trying not to cry.

**_Fight for a love and the world tries to break us down.  
_**

"Mac are you alright?" He hadn't really meant to ask. Knew that she didn't want him to perceive any weakness. He heard a sniffle before she answered him. "I'm fine. I just don't know why I thought this would ever work." His face twisted in puzzlement. "You told me, I've told myself thousands of time." He stood again, more worried as her words started to run together faster. "I mean, what kind of idea is this. Trying to have your child while we live continents apart? Just figuring out how to conceive would be a nightmare, let along the rest of his or her life." She chuckled, but the sound wasn't happy. "After all, I can't even have a telephone conversation with you without crying, how am I supposed to see you and have a reminder of what-" She broke off, and he heard her trying to compose herself with deep breaths.

**_But the world will bend,  
_**

He didn't want her composed. Didn't want her prepared for everything, didn't want her to go back to thinking logically about this. "Mac, listen. Why don't we meet and talk about this. It's not the kind of thing I want to discuss over the phone. Especially with you." He didn't have to wait long for her reaction.

"Especially with me? Ha! What does that mean. You never wanted to discuss this. Never said you wanted it before. You wouldn't even have thought about it if I hadn't called tonight."

"That's not true. I've been thinking about it a lot actually."

"Then why haven't you contacted me?" He didn't have an answer for that.

"I thought that we'd…"

"Ended things Harm? Is that what you thought because I'm pretty sure that we did end things that night back in Washington. Or at least you did," her voice was lower now, almost as if she were talking to herself, "I can't believe that I still had even a small amount of hope after that, that I even considered trying again with this stupid idea."

"It's not a stupid idea." He was almost shocked with the firmness of his own voice. "It's what we _both _want." And right then and there he'd done something he'd never before done in his life. "I promise you that everything will work out. We'll both get what we've always wanted."

**_An' the fight will end.  
_**

She scoffed, working her way to full blown anger now and far from reasonable. "What we've always wanted? Do you even know what you want Harm?" Of course he did. He'd known for years but he was afraid that if he told her that she'd call him on it, about not going after it before like he had with almost everything else in his life. "Mac, I thought I wanted this great command and my career, but it's not. It's becoming more and more apparent that this isn't what I want." She was silent again, and so was he for a moment before speaking and taking a plunge scarier than that of ejecting from a tomcat. "Mac, I don't care where I am or my career at the moment. I just want to be with you. You _and_ our family." The only sound across the wires for a moment was steady breathing.

"Dammit Harm. Why'd you have to go and say something like that just as I was about to hang up?"

**_Love will always win.  
_**

He grasped at the lifeline. "Because I'm tired of_ not_ saying 'something like that'. I'm tired of _not_ telling you what I really want and trying to guess what's going to happen." **_  
_**She sighed. "I'm tired of _not_ hearing it." His mouth quirked up at the corners as he continued.

"I'm tired of not being able to see you every day." She answered with "I'm tired of _not_ working next door to you."

"I'm tired of _not_ being able to cooking dinner for you."

"I'm tired of having no one to cook me dinner."

"I'm tired of _not_ being able to see if you're eating healthy."

"I'm tired of _not_ having you to tease me about Beltway Burgers."

He stopped for a moment, his smile working it's way towards full blown flyboy now as he laid down on the couch with his free arm flung over his head. "Mac I really am sorry that I let this happen again. That I let things become so screwed up that we're miles apart while this is happening."

"I don't blame you Harm. I contributed to this mess just as much as you did."

**_Hold on till we see tomorrow,  
_**

He refused to let regrets and what-might-have-beens take over now. "I wish you were here Mac. I wish you were in my arms right now and I could talk to you face to face."

She made a small sound, a hum that made him think about what sounds she would make when he kissed her the next time they met. "I wish I was there too. I've thought about it a million times since that night. Where we'd be if things had worked out differently."

_**There is time to borrow**_

"Well it won't be long now." He looked up at the ceiling and sighed. "I have to tell you, I don't know if this is going to be harder or easier than before."

"What do you mean?"

"Well before I was miserable because I missed you and I thought things were… well, over. And now I'm going to be miserable because I can't wait to see you and kiss you and touch you and-"

"Harm, it's going to be just as hard for me. But as long as we have something to look forward to, this is going to be much easier than before."

"I guess you're right. So when am I going to see you again? Work is pretty steady right now but I think I can get away in the next couple of weeks." She was quiet for a moment and as intently as he was listening, he could hear her breathing starting to become more rapid again. "Mac, honey, what is it?"

"Oh Harm. When I got here I was so upset that I knew I had to keep involved in work to keep from thinking about it so I've got something scheduled almost every day for at least two weeks!"

_**Till we own our own.**_

He didn't even have to think about his response. "Then I'll come see you. Even if we can only spend time together when you get home from work at night, at least we'll be able to see each other."

He could almost hear her smile through the phone. "Sounds great to me. When can you come?" **_  
_**

**_Walk on and our hearts will lead us.  
_**

They talked for another hour before Mac could hear Harm yawning through the phone and told him he should go to bed. He agreed, but added, "You promise that I won't wake up tomorrow and this will all have been a dream?"

She laughed and the sound went right through him. "If it is, I'm dreaming too and I never want to wake up."

He silent for a moment, listening to each sound she made. He'd dreamed of hearing her breathe beside him at night in a dark room. Dreamed of hearing her say his name in just that tone…

"Harm?"

He swiped a hand over his face, half asleep already. "Yeah. I'm here Mac. Sorry, I'm falling asleep on you."

"Where did you go just now?"

"I was just thinking about what I'm going to do when I finally see you again."

Her voice was lower when she spoke again, and since he was on the verge of sleep it became part of his dream.

"We'll be together soon Harm. And when we are, nothing can tear us apart again. _Nothing_."

He mumbled a goodbye as the phone dropped to the floor and he turned into the couch. His steady breathing drifted to Mac as he slept. And his dreams were once again filled with images of a home, a wife and a family.

_**But our hearts will need us,  
To be steady and strong.  
So we can stand and face the fire.  
Burning higher and higher.  
**__**No way over it, no way around it.  
If we want it, we have to go through it.  
Fight for a love and the world tries to break us down.  
But the world will bend,  
An' the fight will end.  
Love will always win.**_


	4. I Just Can't Live a Lie

**I Just Can't Live a Lie**

This chapter's song is "I Just Can't Live a Lie" by Carrie Underwood. I had planned to write this chapter as the one where they finally meet, but I was looking for song lyrics when this idea occurred to me. Hope you enjoy!

**Lately nothing I do ever seems to please you**

She was dreaming. Somehow she knew that but she couldn't make herself wake up. She was back in her apartment the night Harm had come to ask her to testify for him. She was back with that feeling that she would do anything he asked, but that they couldn't go on like this. That's why she'd made that comment about him not coming to her or needing her unless something was wrong. She'd known how it would affect him, but it was something she had to say at that moment.

**And maybe turning my back would be that much easier**

She felt the grief again as she heard him insult her, watched him walk out the door, the proud man with his cover clenched tightly under his arm. She doubted that he knew she'd watched him walk to his car on the street from her window. He'd never looked back and she hadn't wanted him to. If he had she'd have turned away. There was too much emotion running through her and she wasn't sure that she wanted to see him again anytime soon.

**Cause hurtful words are all that we exchange**

Her memory changed to the taxi stand in Paraguay. She swore she could feel the moist heat on her skin and smell him standing nearby. She winced and her body tensed in protest as she watched herself tell him 'never' and turned away from him. The tense trip home, the lonely weeks afterwards that she'd been so sorry for. She kept telling herself that if he had phoned her back or come to visit her she would have apologized, but a voice inside her head asked her if that was true. All she knew was that when she'd gone to take him the Carolyn Imes cases he'd been a changed man.

**But I can't watch you walk away**

Her mind moved forward to the last night that they'd seen each other, the night she'd visited his apartment while he was packing. The conversation was the same but she was so much more away of his actions, his gestures and the nuances that she thought she'd always been able to decipher. He'd kept turning away from her, in the pretence of packing but she was sure now that he had been trying to avoid looking at her, looking her in the eye. Did he consider himself that weak? That if he'd looked at her, really looked at her and let her see inside him, that his charade would be over and he'd give up?

**Can I forget about the way it feels to touch you? **

He was the strongest man that she'd ever known. Even her Uncle Matt, her childhood and teen hero, had fallen prey to certain vices. But Harm had always been there for her. There may have been times when they were fighting or not getting along exactly as they should have been, but she'd always known she could count on her best friend in times of trouble. Her dream changed from painful missed opportunities to happier times that she treasured. Her body relaxed under the thin sheet, the comforter she'd already pushed down to her stomach lifting softly with each deep breath. She remembered the night in his apartment after Webb's first 'supposed' death when Harm had comforted her. She could still feel the warmth of his skin under her palm, the crinkly hair curling around her fingertips. Her mind swung to the kiss on the Admiral's porch at her engagement party. She felt his strong arms around her and his broad hand sweeping up and down her back. She started to breath faster as she relieved the kiss, the taste of him as familiar to her as if it had been just a few minutes ago.

**And all about the good times that we've been through  
**

She smiled as the thought about the last time they'd visited the Robert's together. AJ had just lost a tooth that morning and he was so proud of himself that he jabbered on about the blood and what the tooth fairy was going to bring him, not noticing when his godparents caught eyes and drifted into their own world. 'This could be ours' he seemed to say. 'I want this to be ours' she answered silently. Harriet had appeared a few moments later with Jimmy who'd just woken up and Mac had physically resisted the urge to cry as she cradled the warm, soft child in her arms.

**Could I wake up without you every day?  
**

She turned onto her side and her hand reached out, unconsciously searching. Her internal alarm slowly woke her as her fingers into her palm on top of the cold sheets. She sighed and flopped back onto her back, running a hand through her hair. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had a good night's sleep without dreams, good or bad, plaguing her. She smiled this morning though, for by the end of the day he would be there with her.

**Would I let you walk away?  
**

He was flying in later this afternoon while she was at work and meeting her at her house. They'd decided that they didn't want their first meeting to be in a public place. They just wanted to see each other with no distractions and no excuses. She was leaving a key under the doormat for him, a slightly symbolic gesture she thought as she stood up and stretched her arms above her head. The slightly foolish front door mat she'd searched for had 'Welcome Home' stitched into the fabric. She dressed in shorts and a fitted tank shirt and made her way out of her bedroom into the living room. She'd made sure that all of her pictures were out last night, all of her happy memories facing her this morning.

**  
No, I can't learn to live without  
**

She slipped on shoes and was out running down the sidewalk in the cool morning air a few moments later, still smiling. The sun was halfway up on the horizon, beginning to warm the sea air as she began a steady gait. She reviewed her schedule in her mind, mentally crossing off things she'd wanted to get ready before tonight. She swung onto a side street and sprinted past three buildings with a sudden burst of energy. By tonight he'd be here and everything would be right in her world again. No matter how hard she'd tried, her life hadn't been the same and she hadn't had any real hope of moving on without him.

**And I can't give up on us now  
**

She remembered the phone call a few weeks before that had started it all. She phoned prepared to talk to him about giving her a child. 'I'll keep it all business' she promised herself, 'after all, he did promise me'. She'd kept it up for a while until the tears had come. She couldn't have stopped them even if she'd known it was going to happen, but she'd hoped he couldn't hear her gasping breaths over the phone. No such luck. She'd gone from despair to self pity to anger at him so quickly she was surprised the phone hadn't started smoking. She'd been ready to hang up when he uttered those words. _You, me, family._ And suddenly it had all been so clear.

**Oh, I know I could say we're through  
**

They'd talked until he fell asleep and she could hear his deep breathing over the lines. He'd called her the next day to apologize, to tell her he loved her, to tell her he was coming soon. She didn't think she'd stopped smiling for a week. As she turned onto the street that would take her back to her house the sun appeared from between two clouds, warming her cheeks to a rosy red. They'd talked every day since then, sometimes just a few rushed words and sometimes hours of conversations about memories, wishes and desires.

**And tell myself I'm over you **

As she finished up her run and stopped by the front door to do some cool down stretches she thought about the last time she'd felt so happy, so sure about her future. It didn't seem like that long ago that she'd been a single woman looking back over a pattern of failed relationships and looking forward to years of loneliness without a husband or child, only her work to console her. But all that had changed with one simple phone call. It was miraculous really. After all the looks they'd shared, all the touches they'd pretended not to notice, it had been a telephone call continents apart that had allowed them to speak freely to each other. She stepped into the house still grinning about it. **  
But even if I made a vow  
**

She wanted forever with him, it was that simple. All of his morning to wake up by his side, all of his nights to sleep pressed up against him and all of his days in-between to share their lives together. She was humming as she showered quickly, a love song she'd heard on the radio the other day. Imagining their life down the road, children laughing in the morning as they prepared for school as their Mom and Dad got ready for work. She dressed in her uniform imagining a little girl with his brains and a little boy with his blue eyes and wide smile. Their marriage wouldn't be perfect, as evidence by their slightly tarnished past, but they would nurture it and make it thrive while their family flourished.

**I promise not to miss you now  
**

She promised herself that this would be the last morning she would wake up without knowing what it was like to go to bed with him. The last morning she would wake not knowing what side of the bed he liked to sleep on or if he was a cuddler in the night. She popped a bagel in the toaster and drank her first cup of coffee standing by the big window in her living room, watching the sun finish its rise.

**And try to hide the truth inside**

When she walked into her office a while later, she smiled at her staff as she told them 'at ease.' When her yeomen brought her a coffee and asked if today was the day, she simple said 'yes.' She made herself concentrate on her work, knowing that if she didn't the entire day would pass while she sat and daydreamed. She requested a sandwich brought to her office for lunch as she finished up paperwork that could have waited until later, but she wanted everything done so she couldn't possible have any reason to work tomorrow. She fielded a few phone calls that afternoon that had her shaking her head and distributed the new cases that had crossed her desk since she'd last checked. Consulting her internal clock she surmised that there would be about twenty minutes left in the McArthur preliminary hearing that she'd wanted to observe. She'd put her newest lawyer on the case and although he came with glowing references and an impressive history, she wanted to observe his style for herself. She also wanted to get out of her office for a little while. She dropped some outgoing mail off at her yeoman's desk as she went.

**I fail cause I, I just can't live a lie  
**

At four o'clock she was back in her office, pacing the carpet. Was he here yet? Was he at the house? She considered calling just to be sure, but the temptation to see him would be too much, knowing that he was so close. She'd promised not to come home until 17:30pm, to give him time to get settled in and prepared before they greeted each other. She wondered how he would look. He was tired; she'd been able to hear it in his voice every time they talked. No wonder with his new workload and worrying about Mattie all the time. His soon-to-be adopted daughter was still at a rehabilitation centre in Washington but that would all change soon. She'd be moved to be with them, as soon as they decided where _they _were going to be. That was just one of the many things that they planned to discuss tonight.

**Co****uld I forget the look that tells me that you want me?  
**

She couldn't stop herself from imagining his smiling face, the blue-green eyes, his ruddy cheeks on top of his wide grin and strong chin. She remembered all the times those eyes had captured hers in his gaze; all the times that his eyes had skimmed over her body when he thought she wasn't looking. She imagined his arms wrapping around her and that mouth pressing against hers. She shook her head, embaressed that she was letting her mind run away with her at work. Her phone buzzed at that moment and she was informed that she had a telephone call. She sat at her desk while it was connected, and was glad she had.

**And all the reasons that make loving you so easy**

"Mackenzie" she answered.

"Hello sweetheart" was his answer. She felt her smile grow so big she wouldn't be surprised if it actually did reach 'ear to ear.' All at once the world stopped spinning and time stopped. Or at least she thought so.

"Harm." She breathed. She laughed quickly, happily. "Where are you? Are you at the house yet?"

"I just stepped in the door, but I wanted to make sure that you weren't going to be home for a while yet. By the way, nice mat."

She crossed her legs and sat back in her chair. "I thought you'd appreciate that. Don't worry. I'm not going to be there until 17:30, just like you requested." They were silent for a moment as she watched the sunbeams filter through her window onto her desk blotter. "Are you going to tell me why I can't come home yet?" She heard his deep chuckle and the sound made something twist inside her.

"Not yet sweetheart. You'll find out when you get here." And she trusted that she would. Whatever Harmon Rabb was, it wasn't frivolous. If he asked for something, it was with good reason.

**The kiss that always makes it hard to breathe  
**

"Alright. I'll wait. But I want you to know that I'm not happy about this." The undercurrent of laughter to her voice reassured him that there was nothing to worry about. He just wanted everything to be perfect. "Well I promise you. It'll all be worth it."

She suddenly didn't want to wait anymore and found herself saying "I don't really care what you're trying to prepare Harm; I just want to see _you_." He sighed. She was testing his patience, especially when he thought about just how close she was and how soon she could be in his arms. Her voice was soft and husky when she spoke again. "I want to hug you, and kiss you, and welcome you home like I've always wanted to."

"I want that too Mac, but I really need to take of something first and I don't want there to be _any_ distractions when we finally meet." He checked his watch, if he ended this call he should have just enough time…

**The way you know just what I mean  
**

"Listen Mac, I've gotta go now, and you should get some work done."

"I finished up all of my work this morning," and because she knew what he was going to say she continued with "and I did some in advance so there is no good reason why I should have to even think about working tomorrow or the next day."

"Well then, I guess you'll just have to sit and wait." She could hear the teasing tone in his voice but choose not to respond. "_Fine_. But I'm warning you, I'm going to be there at 17:30, ready or not."

"Okay hun." His voice deepened to a tone that sent shivers down her spine. "I'll see you later then. I love you."

"I love you too." She responded, and silently they both hung up. **  
**

**No, I can't learn to live without  
**

She put her head back on her chair, smiling as the rush of warmth from his words trickled through her. Her internal clock told her that she had about forty-five minutes before she could get in her car and head home. With a sigh she picked up the phone and told her yeomen to send Lieutenant Miller in to see her. She could brief him on what she though of his defence of Seaman McArthur. That should pass at least ten minutes.

**Oh, so don't you give up on us now  
**

As she shuffled some paperwork around to clear her desk her eyes caught on the only picture she kept on her desk that showed the two of them in Afghanistan. 'Soon,' she promised herself, 'very soon.' She pulled her thoughts back to work and set her internal alarm for forty minutes later as a knock came on her door. She hoped the time would pass quickly.

**Oh, I know I could say were through  
And tell myself I'm over you  
But even if I made a vow  
I promise not to miss you now  
And try to hide the truth inside  
I fell cause I, I just can't live a lie **


	5. All We Ever Find

**All We Ever Find**

_The song for this chapter is Tim McGraw's "All We Ever Find" Please enjoy and reviews are always welcome!_

**Say exactly how you feel**

"Here's the ring darling. I'm so happy you're taking it now." Trish Burnett handed the Rabb family ring over to her son as they stood on the deck of the house she, her husband and now Mattie shared. Harm stood looking at the ring, moving it between his fingertips so the diamond caught the sunlight and sparkled. "I can't believe that I'm finally going to do this. To give it to…her." She ran a hand up his back and held on to a strong shoulder. She sighed a mother's sigh. Her baby was in love, completely and utterly in love. It was all she could wish for him.

**Right now you're free to say it all**

They heard the front door open and both turned at the sound, Harm dropping the ring into his pocket. A moment later Mattie rolled herself out onto the deck and smiled broadly as she caught sight of Harm, Frank coming out behind her and sliding the door closed. Harm dropped to his knees in front of the teen and enveloped her in a hug. "I've missed you honey." She didn't speak so he dropped a kiss on her cheek and leaned back a bit. The tears in her eyes almost made him start but he just squeezed her hand and smiled.

"I knew it was you. I saw the car outside and somehow I just knew," she gave him a quizzical look, "but you weren't supposed to come visit until –"her eyes got wide and her mouth dropped wide open.

"Are you here to see Mac? Does she know you're coming? Have you seen her yet? Have you talked to her since… since you know?"

He'd always known she was a perceptive young lady, and even though he wanted to share everything with her and tell her everything he held himself back. If there was even the slightest chance of this not happening, whatever _this _was, he didn't want to raise her hopes more then they were already.

"Yes, I'm going to talk to Mac tonight. And that's all I can say for now." He stood, keeping a hold of her hand. "In fact I've got to get going so that I'm not late but I wanted to see you before I left."

Her mouth widened and he swore that he could see his own smile reflected back at him on her face.

"You just wanted to ask if I gave the therapist a hard time today!"

They all laughed and Harm ruffled her hair. His heart squeezed before settling lighter in his chest. Things were going to be okay. It was a feeling he hadn't had in a while. A few moments later he said his goodbyes, promising to be back to visit as soon as he could.

* * *

**There is no one here to judge you**

Mac piled the files on the side of her desk and turned off her computer. It was time for her to leave and she wanted everything taken care of. She picked up her briefcase and left the room, turning off the light as she went. She changed into civies in the bathroom and checked her hair and makeup. She didn't want to waste anytime changing out of a uniform when she got there. As she made her way out of the office, nodding to the remaining staff as she went, her mind started to buzz. She'd made herself focus on work until the last possible moment, knowing that if she got started on the questions and possibilities, that she'd be a wreck by the time she finally got home.

_Home._ For the first time since she'd been here she was actually looking forward to returning to the house that she'd rented for her time here. She wasn't worried about feeling alone, or feeling trapped by the pictures surrounding her that reminded here of the "good ol' days". She smiled at the thought of returning to the man she loved and opening the door to his happy smile and warm arms. Even as the thoughts raced through her head of what they would have to overcome, that image stayed with her and silenced the din of protesting voices.

**I only love you  
**

He checked the timer on the oven again, calculating that they'd have about an hour to… do whatever, before the food would be ready. He paced impatiently back to the front window again, wishing that she'd be there. But of course she wasn't, just like she hadn't been there the last thirty times he'd checked.

He rubbed his palms together and went over everything again in his head. Food, check. Ring, he patted his pocket, check. Pictures, check. Other…supplies, check. He ran a hand through his hair and was in the process of looking at his watch when he heard it. The sound of an engine in the driveway. He looked, 17:30, right on the dot. He smiled.

**You're free to close your eyes and fall  
**

She stepped out of the car, her eyes glancing over the car he'd rented that was parked beside hers. He was really here. She'd talked to him on the phone but now she had actual, physical proof that he was inside waiting for her. She left her briefcase, cell phone and uniform bag in the car as she walked up to the door. Was she supposed to knock? On her own door? Was she supposed to just walk in? She made a decision and closed her eyes. She reached for the doorknob and slowly opened her eyes as it started to turn under her hand, from the other side.

**You can trust me, this is real  
**

At first neither one said anything. Simply looked. His eyes flickered over the face he had dreamt of so often, of the hands that had held his in times of trouble. Of the entire woman that he had loved since he couldn't remember when.

She gazed at the handsome face that meant so much to her, they ocean blue eyes with crows feet visible when he smiled. She breathed in at the sight of his strong chest and steady hands that she'd wanted to hold her for so long.

And then they just fell together. It was all he could do to pull them inside and kick the door shut before he pulled her close, trying to absorb her into his own skin. She burrowed into the warmth, inhaling the sweet smell of his aftershave and cologne that combined with his natural scent. Her hands moved frantically over his back, trying to fill her hands with him. He banded an arm around her waist and the other around her shoulders, bending his knees slightly so her weight was settled into him from thigh to shoulder. And they held each other.

**Say exactly how you feel**

Neither one could say how long they stood there, simply breathing in silence, not saying a word. It could have been hours, or simply moments later that they both lifted their heads. As if it was predetermined, they both tilted their head and their lips came together. Soft and gentle and full of promise. Warmth flooded through her and she moaned against his lips, her eyes fluttering closed. He touched her hair, sifted his long fingers through the cold strands to seek the warmth beneath. She made the sounds that he'd imagined her making when he kissed her, that he'd dreamt about all those nights he'd been alone since he'd found out about their transfers.

**Tell me all your dreams  
**

He held her steady as his tongue traced the seam of her lips and they opened smoothly beneath his caresses. He tasted her, the dark, sweet, exotic flavour of her running through him like a drug until all he could think about tasted more of it. She threw her arms around his neck and gave as good as she got.

More, was all he could think as his muddled brain decided that they should move this to a better location. He tried to move suddenly heavy feet, stumbling in the direction of the bedroom he had explored earlier. She moved along with him, but he wasn't sure if she was walking or whether he was simply dragging her along with him. And that struck a chord with him. He didn't want to "drag" her along to anything. He wanted to make sure that this was their decision, their choice. And to do that he had to actually say something to her.

It was with great reluctance that he framed her face between his palms and gentled the kiss, peppering smaller kisses over her cheeks and forehead, bringing his breathing under control before easing back. He slid his hands down to her shoulders, and then to her hands, unwilling to loose all physical contact with her.

"Hi, sweetheart."

**And what you think love means  
**

She couldn't stop smiling. She squeezed his hands and laced their fingers together. "I'm much better now that you're here. I would have gone crazy at the office if I hadn't made myself focus so hard."

He smiled at that. "My marine, distracted from her work? I couldn't be." They both laughed at that before settling into silence again, somewhat afraid to say something that might puncture the bubble of peace they were drifting in.

**We'll lock the world outside  
**

He took a deep breath and dropped one hand, leading her over to the couch in her living room. He took a seat and looked up at her, expecting her to hesitate, but she simply dropped down in front of him and leaned her back against his chest, drawing the hand she still held around her so that he was holding her in his arms.

He rested his chin on her head, inhaling her shampoo and perfume. If it were possible he'd wish that they could sit for eternity, just like this. But he knew they couldn't, and he prepared himself for the conversation they needed to have.

**Embrace the gift of time  
**

"When you phoned the other night, I was looking through photos just like the ones you have on your shelves here. I was thinking of all the times that we'd spent together as friends, as adversaries, as... something more."

She smoothed a hand over his wrist, silently encouraging him to go on.

"Bud brought me pictures last time he was in London for a case. New pictures of the twins. There were a couple of you from your last visit with them. I'd forgotten what you looked like with a baby in your arms." He held onto a small hand, rubbing their fingertips together. "I was thinking about our deal, and how I'd always expected it to happen."

**Promising forever  
**

"I guess in my heart of hearts I never expected to find someone that I could commit to and though I never admitted it to myself, I'm pretty sure that I was just biding my time until our timing was up and figured that we'd just…end up together." He kissed her scalp, settling his chin on her shoulder this time.

"I guess I thought we'd fall into each other's arms after the deal was up, without talking about it or trying to _start_ a relationship. Do you know what I mean?"

She nodded; he could feel her cheek rubbing against his as her head moved up and down. "We both expected that I think. We kept assuming things and expecting things, so that we never made the decision or effort to talk about… things. And then with Mattie… and our transfers."

She turned in his arms to look at him, _into _him. "I want you to know that I've considered Mattie throughout this entire thing. I know that whatever we have now will include her and I want you to know that I'm perfectly okay with that. I want to include her." He closed his eyes at that, the tiny, small worry that his heart had carried was lightened now.

"I think I knew that. But it's still comforting to hear it. She's… part of the reason that you couldn't come home early today."

"Did you go visit her? How's she doing?"

"I wasn't there very long so we didn't get into a big discussion about her therapy, but she seems happier then I've seen her in a while." Mac settled back into his arms again, wrapping his arms tight around her. "Probably the happiest she's been since she's been back with her Dad again." They were both silent a moment, thinking of what the young girl had had to go through to get where she was.

**Knowing that this moment  
**

The silence lengthened again as neither one could think of where to go from there. Mac summoned her courage first. "I'm in love with you Harm, and I want to be with you wherever you are. Whether it is in London, here, or another place that we choose. As long as we're together."

"I love you too Sarah. And I can't believe I'm saying this but in a way I'm glad that it came to this." He stopped her effort to turn around and see him, knowing what she was wondering. "I mean that if we _had _discussed this back that night in my apartment, can you honestly tell me that you would have been as willing to change your location, to change your _life _to be with me?"

She was silent, and still. "I didn't think so." He murmured. "But I think we're both in the mental place that we need to be right now. We're both ready to do whatever it takes."

Mac spoke up then, after nodding to finally agree with him. "We're going to have to make some tough decisions, the first of which will be who's going to give up their command position. But you're right, there's a much better chance of that being… easier today then it would have been that night."

A buzzer went of in the kitchen and they untangled themselves on the couch. He stood up as she grinned up at him. "Another working dinner Harm?"

He pulled her up, using a little more force then he usually would have, to pull her into him and clasp her tightly within his arms. "Sweetheart, those weren't working dinners. I only used work as an excuse to spend as much time as I could with you."

"That's what I kept hoping they were. It was the same on my end. I could have done the work at home, by myself, but I just wanted to be with you."

"So tonight it's just you and I, enjoying our first dinner together as a …"

"Couple?" She supplied.

"Exactly." He nodded. "Although," he started to lead her towards the kitchen with a hand on the small of her back, "I have to admit that there will be one thing the same."

He turned off the timer on the oven and he pulled on oven mitts, opening the door to let her see the lasagne he'd placed in their earlier. She laughed as she pulled down plates and glasses to set the table.

* * *

**Might be all we ever find  
**

They had asimple dinner together, talking about how new commands were going, and some of the people that they had met in their new offices. They also discussed the Roberts and Harm laughed as Mac told him stories about her visit.

It was while they started clearing the table that things started to change.

"So did you bring anything for dessert Harm? I don't think I have anything on hand that would do."

"I uh… did, but I think we can save it until later." He spoke as he washed dishes and he slid a look over his right shoulder to see if she noticed the slight hesitation in his words. She continued clearing the table and he sighed silently. What he had in mind for dessert would have to wait until later.

**Every breath of who you are  
**

She walked up behind him and slid their glasses into the soapy water, sliding her hands down to twine with his under the water. He slid a small hand between his own, feeling her warm breath against his back through the thin T-shirt he was wearing. She took her hand out a moment later, leaning to the side for a tea towel, rubbing against him as she did.

He focused and finished washing the last few things in the water before emptying the sink. He rung out the dishcloth and started to wipe down the counters as she leaned against a counter on the opposite side of the small room and watched him.

God she was beautiful. She was wearing well worn jeans with a plain white T-shirt with short sleeves. He hadn't taken much notice of the outfit when she first came in the door, but now he noticed that every time she took a deep breath, the bottom of her shirt lifted and he could see a small band of tan skin. And the muscles in her arms rippled as she leaned herself against the counter, her eyes tracking his every movement. 'Was this what it felt like to be hunted?' he wondered.

**Tells a story that I love  
**

She thought back to the night in the bar when Jordan had described how Harm 'was' in bed. The words hadn't meant all that much to her at the time, partly because she'd tried to avoid hearing them as well as forgetting them as soon as she could, but apparently she hadn't been successful because they returned to run through her mind then.

She watched him move around the kitchen, finishing up the simple chore of KP duty. His long legs were encased in khaki pants that clung to his upper thighs, as well as various other parts. She looked at the chest and stomach showcased in a semi-fitted black T-shirt, resisting the urge to lick his lips. Did the man have any idea how delicious he looked? Just standing there, folding a tea towel, the muscles in his arms shifted under the skin and she had to bite her lip from moaning out loud.

They hadn't talked about their plans for the rest of the night, but she was pretty sure that they were on the same wavelength at that moment, as she saw his eyes sweep over her with a hungry glint. He stopped in front of her, an arm's length away, the only sound in the entire house being their deep breaths.

**I have finally found the truth  
**

"When I was in London, I used to wish that you were laying beside me as I fell asleep. I used to wish that you were sharing my pillow so that as soon as I woke up the next morning I could see you and know that I wasn't dreaming."

He put a hand on her shoulder, his thumb rubbing against her collarbone as he continued in a deep timbre.

"And when I fell asleep I would dream about you. Dream that you were there kissing me, touching me, holding me. But when I woke up, you were never there."

He moved his other hand to her back, pulling her slowly, steadily, into him.

"I don't ever want to wake up and not see you again Sarah."

With a deep moan she pulled his head down to hers so that their lips met. His hands slipped to her hips to lift her onto the counter, her legs open so that he stepped inside them. She wrapped herself around him as his hands moved over her, warming her skin and bringing her blood to a boil. She started to lean back, but he stopped her with a chuckle.

"I don't think so hun. This isn't going to be some quick 5 minute coupling on your kitchen counter. I have plans for tonight." He kissed her lightly on the forehead as he extricated himself from her legs and backed up. They stood staring at her, breathing heavily and he almost took a step towards her again, but managed to make himself turn away.

**In what I see in you  
**

"I propose a toast," he said as he retrieved a bottle of sparkling cider out of the fridge, along with two champagne glasses that he'd brought from his mother's house. He opened the bottle and poured the glimmering liquid out. She gazed steadily at him as he handed a glass to her. Their fingertips touched and he took a deep breath to keep from pulling her into his arms again. He lifted his glass towards her.

"To the future. Whatever it holds, it'll be better because we're together."

"I'll drink to that," she said, "with one addition."

He nodded. "Name it."

She held up her glass. "Here's to our children, and our family."

He clinked glasses with her and they both drank deeply, setting the glasses down beside them. He thought that he'd thought this through, planned everything well enough. He didn't want to things to become physical right away, but he was having a harder and harder time avoiding it.

Which wasn't surprising considering that he had always been sailing in unknown waters when it came to Mac. Sure, there were parts of her that he knew like no other, such as how she liked her coffee, and how hard she worked to eat like she did and still look as great as she did. But some parts of her were foreign to him. He'd never seen what she was like on a date, never seen her as part of a "real couple." He knew she was affectionate, had seen it in the way she treated her friends and any children that she came into contact with, but what was she like with a boyfriend, a lover?

**And what I feel with every touch  
**

He was helpless to resist as Mac lifted a hand to place it over his heart, feeling the racing pulse of his wrist beneath her other hand. She smiled a female smile at him as she kissed his neck so lightly that he wasn't even sure she'd touched it.

"Mac I wanted to – to.." He let out a gust of air as she moved closer to him, her hand on his chest sliding up to sift through his hair. "I wanted to talk for a bit more before we –"

"Shhh Harm." She placed a finger over his lips. "We'll talk. We have plenty of time. But as for right now…"

She slid both hands over his back, bringing them up to grip his shoulders from behind. The move pulled her against him and he was helpless to resist as his hands came up to hold her around her waist.

"Right now I just want you to touch me. I want you to feel me."

She kissed the skin right under his ear before moving up to gently suck on the lobe itself. All his blood rushed to that spot and he gave up on trying to produce complete sentences.

**The simple beauty of your heart  
**

As they gave in to their desires and he wrapped his arms around her, euphoria suddenly filled him. Here he was, holding the love of his life, with no misunderstandings or problems between them and the future looked bright. It had been a long while since his life had looked this good to him.

He swung her up into his arms to carry her into the bedroom and she laughed. The sound warmed his heart and he swung her around in a circle, dancing through the living room. He was in love with a beautiful, caring, wonderful woman and she was in love with him. Would wonders never cease.

**In every breath of who you are  
**

She kissed him as they slipped through the doorway and he set her on her feet. This was the man that she was going to have her children, her babies with. This was the man that would teach them how play basketball and help them with their homework. The same man that would hold her in his arms every night as they slept. She was being washed clean by the force of his love for her and her soul felt lighter then it ever had before. Life was good, and would only continue to get better from this moment on.

* * *

**Tell me all your dreams  
**

As they lay beside each other later that night, his hand swept up and down her back from her hips to her shoulders. He couldn't stop touching her. Everything was new and wonderful.

"How many do you want? I've always imagined that we'd have four kids. Two girls and two boys."

She laughed as she slid a hand over his chest. "Four sounds alright, but I think we should concentrate on having the first one before we plan the rest."

"Well I think we made a pretty good start on the tonight, don't you?" He nuzzled her neck and she laughed rolling to her back to bring him on top of her. He settled between her legs and rested his weight on his bent elbows beside her stomach.

"I think we did, but we probably need more practice."

"Oh, yes, yes. _Much _more practice." He nodded, pursing his lips like he was commenting on a serious discussion.

**And what you think love means  
**

"I love you Harm. Never forget that." Her palm cradled his face and he nestled into it, placing a barely there kiss in the centre. "I can't. I carry you with me wherever I go. I always have."

"And I carry you with me. In my heart and soul. Always."

He shifted his weight to one arm and ran his hand over her face. He'd already memorized it in his mind but now he was free to understand it with his fingertips, to feel that sexy little brow arch she did when she was slightly confused, the way her lips pursed when she was considering a proposition. He looked into her eyes, a memory coming over him.

"When we said goodbye in your office the day I left JAG to go back to flying, you weren't the only one crying. I was afraid to look into your eyes because I knew they'd see right through me and I couldn't take that chance. I couldn't take the chance that you'd see my weakness and understand how I really felt. Not when I was going out there again and I didn't know when I'd see you again."

She didn't say anything as he related this to her. She understood that they'd both have many explanations to come about moments in their past. She only hoped that a better understanding of those moments would clarify and help things in their future.

* * *

They slept tangled together that night, taking long moments to cuddle together and talk about wishes, regrets and misunderstandings. They learned secrets, hopes and dreams that had never been given a voice before but now were waiting to come true. 

**We'll lock the world outside  
Embrace the gift of time  
Promising forever  
Knowing that this moment  
Might be all we ever find**


	6. The Perfect Day

**The Perfect Day **

_The lyrics in this chapter are from "Swear it Again" by Westlife. I did take some liberties and deleted some lines (okay, a bunch) but I wanted the story to flow so I used all that I could. Please forgive me for not updating in soooo long, but as exam times roll around again I'm finding I have a lot more free time on my hands... since I'm procrastinating all of my studying. Enjoy!_

**_I wanna know  
_**He considered it a gift of fate when he awoke before Mac the next morning. It wasn't very often that he was up before the Marine with an internal alarm clock. But then again… he chuckled silently to himself as he remembered why her clock might be a bit out of whack today. He dressed in a pair of boxers and some loose sweats, watching her as he moved.

She was so beautiful laying there against the cream sheets. Her skin looked golden, almost glowing against the complimentary color. Her hair, slightly longer then when she'd left Washington, was scattered against the pillow as she rested on her side. One hand rested under her cheek, pushing her lips into a pouting shape that he just barely resisted leaning over to kiss before he left the room. Her other hand was stretched out over his side of the bed, having been dislodged from its previous resting place of his chest. He sighed and ran a hand over his stubbled chin as he walked to the kitchen. It was a good thing he knew how Mac took her coffee.

_**Who ever told you I was letting go**_  
As he measured grounds and poured water into the coffeemaker he looked around the kitchen. He'd had a chance to examine it last night while he was preparing dinner, but he'd been so nervous about seeing Mac that nothing had really registered. Now he could see that she had made this small space into a home. The color was a warm yellow that matched the cushions on her kitchen chairs and some of the tea towels. There weren't any pictures on the walls, but some crayon drawings and snapshots of the Roberts' children covered the front of her fridge. He leaned back against the counter across from it, listening to the coffeemaker as it perked. He felt more relaxed then he had in months, in fact it was probably the best morning he'd had since before Mattie's accident. But he'd never woken up with Mac in his arms, never prepared coffee knowing that he could deliver it to her in bed and hopefully slide back under the warm covers with her. He slipped into a daydream, imagining pictures of their children on the fridge. _Smiling faces and crayon squiggled family pictures covered the surface. He glanced at the baby monitor on the counter, checking to make sure he was still asleep. His sister should be getting up soon, Harm though, checking the clock on the stove. And then the house would become a madhouse with he and Mac trying to get ready for work, get their daughter ready for school and the baby ready for the babysitter. But it would be a routine full of love and laughter. _The beeping of the coffeemaker interrupted him and he strode over to a cupboard and took out two mugs. He shook his head as he remembered that at one point he'd resigned himself to letting Mac, letting their future, slip out of his grasp without a significant fight.

**_Of the only joy that I have ever known  
_**He took the two mugs into the bedroom, settling them on the night table beside his side of the bed. He sat on the bed and leaned over to run a hand over Mac's hair. He traced her eyes ever so gently with a fingertip, following a path down her nose that led to her lips. He cupped her cheek in his hand and rubbed a thumb over her lips. Her eyes cracked open slowly, looking up at him. She looked unsure for a moment, then it seemed like she woke up and her eyes widened. "Not a dream?" Her question made him smile and he leaned down and kissed her. Keeping his face close to hers he shook his head. "Not a dream. And I for one," he said as he started to draw the covers away from her body "am very glad that we're both here," he rolled onto his side, propping himself above her on his elbow, "in the flesh, right now." With that he fell onto his back and pulled her on top of him, hugging her tightly, afraid his heart would burst at the feeling of joy he was experiencing just being able to share his morning with her.

**_Girl, they're lying, just look around_**  
Mac laughed as she and Harm wrestled over the bed. She straddled him and pinned his hands above his head. "Really. Well we may both be here in the flesh, but I think that you're a little… overdressed. And is that coffee I smell?"

"You caught me!" He closed his eyes in exaggerated guilt. "I've already been up, and I made coffee that I'm afraid is a little weaker then marine grade. I just couldn't bring myself to put that many grounds into the filter."

He rolled over, tucking her underneath her as he felt the laughter start in her stomach. "And as for the clothing, that's easily removed. Just say that word." She smiled up at him, a mischievous glint in her eye.

"Oh really. Well, now that I smell the coffee I think I've decided I'm hungry and it's time to make some breakfast." She gave him a quick kiss on his gaping mouth, gently pushing him off and putting her legs over the side of the bed as she sat up. She felt Harm come to sit behind her as she sipped her coffee. He put his chin on her shoulder and his hands on her waist.

"If you really want me to, I can make breakfast, but I bet I can change your mind."

She cocked her head to the side, looking at the innocent smile on his face. "You can try, but Harm I'm really hungry now that I think about it."

"That's no surprise. You're always hungry." She flinched away from his accusing fingertip and started to get up but his arm banded around her waist and he started to kiss her neck.

"But you didn't say exactly what you were hungry for." He spread his hand on her stomach and slid a hand over her shoulder, brushing his fingertips down her neck. His kisses moved to the back of her neck and she sighed as her body started to hum in response.

"I guess food can wait."

"You guess?" His voice was muffled against her right shoulder, his hands moving to caress her skin. She gasped and arched against him, trying to turn around but he held her in place. "I think I can persuade you a little more. By the time I'm done, you won't be thinking about eating for hours."

"Oh really?"

"Really." He nodded solemnly as he laid her back on the bed, resting his body on top of hers and reaching with one hand to draw the covers over them both.

* * *

_**And all of the people that we used to know**_  
"Have you talked to Harriet lately?" Harm asked as he flipped a pancake on the stove. Mac nodded as she got down plates and glasses. "She called a few days ago to tell me about the latest check-up the twins had."

"And?" He asked over his shoulder as he grabbed butter and syrup from the fridge.

"Everything's fine physically, and she said that A.J has been a great help keeping the twins amused and giving them bottles."

"That's great. A.J.'s very bright, but I was worried about how he'd adjust to two more babies."

Mac finished placing the second glass on the table and stood straight, simply looking at him. It took him a minute to notice as he finished up the pancakes and brought them over to the table, but eventually he looked up at her and paused. "Mac, what is it? Is something wrong?" She shook her head and a small smile appeared, although it looked like she was gazing off in to the distance. He put the frying pan back on the stove and came to stand beside her, putting his hands under her elbows. "Honey, where did you go?"

**_  
Have just given up, they wanna let it go  
_**I was just thinking about when you have your own children. How caring you'll be if you care and worry this much about your godchildren."

He smiled and slid his arms around her. "I can't wait until we have our own child." He tipped her chin up and looked intently at her. "And I want you to understand that I don't care how we have that child. I just want to have the chance to raise them with _you_. Have a family _with you_." He paused, looking at her face. She nodded, closing her eyes as years formed. "I understand, and I'm sorry that I pushed you away before." He hugged her tight, tucking her head underneath his chin. "We've both made mistakes. But we're moving on now and I don't want you to feel guilty or sad anymore. Alright?"

He grabbed her upper arms and held her away from him. She nodded against and wiped the tears away, laughing as she did so. "What a way to start breakfast. I think this is a little too heavy for the digestive system this early in the morning." He kissed her once before turning to pull out a chair for her. "I totally agree. Have a seat."

**_But we're still trying  
_**After breakfast was done and the dishes cleaned up they sat on the couch as they had the night before. The idea of going for a walk or to a park nearby flitted through Mac's mind but she didn't want to leave the house, leave the cocoon that seemed to exist around the two of them. She could have sat there for days, wrapped in his arms with his breath whispering over her check. She rubbed a hand over his forearm, sighing as she listened to the music playing softly on the radio.

**_  
So you should know this love we share was never made to die_**  
"A few days after I started working here in San Diego, I met Petty Officer Theresa Fitzgerald. I introduced myself and asked her about herself. She mentioned that she and her husband were recently married and were trying to get pregnant but weren't having much luck. She didn't talk about it that much, it was the beginning of the work day and she had just come by to deliver some files."

Mac turned so that she was half facing him and his arm was over her shoulder and across her chest. She intertwined a hand with his.

"A few days later I noticed her sitting by herself in the cafeteria. I had planned to read over some case files while I ate, but something told me that I should sit with her."

He nodded. "I would trust that 'something' of yours. It's saved my life." He kissed her cheek.

"We got talking again and I asked her how the pregnancy efforts were going. She said that they had found a surrogate for her eggs. They were waiting to see if any developed into viable embryos."

Mac sat up, hugging her knees to her chest. Harm kept his arm around her, but left some space between them.

"She asked me why I was so interested and I told her that I'd been thinking about my options. That I had just been told that my chances of getting pregnant naturally were less then 5. She gave me the name of her doctor and told me that we could talk anytime I needed it."

She rested her head against the back of the couch and Harm massaged her neck. "I went to see the doctor she suggested. "She said that the endometriosis had affected my uterus, but that my eggs were still viable. She said that if I chose to use a surrogate, they could implant her with my eggs, fertilized with sperm that I chose."

She took his other hand onto her lap.

"I talked to Theresa a couple more times and it got me thinking about having a baby. For months I'd focused on the fact that I wouldn't be able to give birth to a baby. I concentrated on the negative, which I have a life long habit of doing."

She turned to look at him.

"But I realized that I could still have a child. That it didn't matter that she or he wouldn't live inside me for a few months. She or he would be created from me, I would be right there during the pregnancy and she or he would be mine from the minute they were born. I focused on the positive, that I still had so many options open to me and one day I decided that I was going to take one of them."

"The day you phoned me." He murmured. She nodded, staying silent.

**_I'm glad we're on this one way street just you and I  
_**"Mac, when you said that you were going to have a child, my heart dropped out of my chest. I thought that you were calling to say you'd moved on and were already pregnant. Don't ask me why I thought that you'd call me with that news. Maybe you didn't want me to hear it from someone else."

He shifted closer, intertwining their fingers on her lap. "And what you said about not waiting until something told you that it was the 'right time' made total sense. I knew that as your friend I should have offered my congratulations, but there was no way I could have done that. No way I could have been even slightly happy for you at that moment when I realized that you were moving on without me, and it was my own fault for not trying to hang on to you."

_**I'm never gonna say goodbye**_  
He moved so that he was kneeling in front of her, holding both her hands in his larger ones. "But when you said that you wanted the child to be mine, the relief was so great and so overwhelming. Something was looking out for me, for us, those lonely days. All those feelings about how perfect things could be for us came rushing back and I suddenly couldn't wait to see you again. For the life of me I couldn't think of why I was holding on to my career and my commission so tightly when they were keeping me away from you. It was like the clouds had just cleared and I could finally see what was in front of me, what _had _been in front of me all along."

**_Cause I never wanna see you cry_**  
Tears started to drip down her cheeks and he gently wiped them away with a thumb. "I want you to know that nothing is more important and nothing ever _will_ be more important to me then you and our family. Whatever comes we will face it together. You can always talk to me, especially since so much of our past has been tied up in miscommunications and missed opportunities which could have been avoided if I'd just said something." He ducked his head slightly, feeling a twinge of guilt.**_  
_**

_**I swore to you my love would remain**_  
She framed his face in her hands and made him look into her eyes. "It wasn't just you. I could have said something so many times. There were so many reasons that I gave myself for not speaking up about what I was feeling or what I wanted to know. I was just so afraid that something would somehow go wrong and I would lose you for good. And I couldn't risk that, of all the things that I could risk in life, I couldn't risk that." The tears were coming faster now, gathering in her eyes and dripping silently down her cheeks. **_  
_**

**_And I swear it all over again and I  
_**He pulled her into his lap and wrapped himself around her, both facing towards the bright picture windows on the other side of the room. This time they were both crying, but this time they both knew why. This time the words that were needed had been said and it was a much different situation. Instead of one of them leaving, they were about to embark on their life together and they would start fresh from this moment, knowing that things might be hard in the future, but sure that they could handle anything together and that nothing could mean as much as the simple words that they would share with each other.

_**I'm never gonna treat you bad**_  
After a while Harm lifted his head and wiped his eyes. "Some first morning together this is turning out to be."

Mac laughed and grabbed a Kleenex off the coffee nearby, using it to dab at the wetness on her face. She giggled when she felt Harm's hands starting to tickle her ribs and grabbed them before they progressed too far. She knew he was trying to cheer her up, lighten the mood again after their cathartic release. She smiled to herself before turning around with an innocent face. She straddled him and looped her arms around his neck.**_  
_**

**_Cause I never wanna see you sad  
_**"So…. What do we do now?" She cocked her head to the side and bit her lip as she looked at him, marvelling again that she had managed to find someone so kind and giving, as well as so handsome. He smoothed a hand down her back, feeling her arch into the caress like a cat in the sunlight.

"I don't know. We don't have to be anywhere, don't have anything to do except be here with each other."

**_I swore to share your joy and your pain  
_**The rest of the day was spent relaxing together. They watched a morning talk show and laughed over the ridiculous gossip. They cooked lunch together, enjoying silent moments as they worked together and shared a meal. In the afternoon they cuddled together, talking in hushed tones about moments in the past and the hopes for their future. Harm made dinner while she finished some paperwork and while the sun went down they made love. It was the most perfect day either of them could ever remember.

* * *

**_I'm never gonna treat you bad  
_**They did leave the house the next day, as Harm had promised his mother that he would come back and tell her how everything had turned out. Mac wore the ring proudly, smiling when it caught the light and sent sparkling lights around the room.

When they pulled up to the house Mac was amazed. "Oh Harm! It's beautiful! And right on the beach!"

**_Cause I never wanna see you sad  
_**"Wait until you see the sunset on the water. I think it was another influence in my joining the navy." He slung an arm around her shoulders and led her to the door. To an outward observer they would have seemed perfectly happy, but Harm could feel Mac tense slightly. He turned to face her. "Mac? Honey, is something the matter?" She shook her head and smiled for him. He was about to rebuke her for not being honest with him when the door opened in front of them.

**_I swore to share your joy and your pain  
_**"Harm! Mac! I saw you drive up!" Mattie held out her hands and Harm, afraid she was going to jump out of her chair, moved into the house and leaned down to give her a hug. Mac moved beside them, waiting while they embraced. She saw Trish coming down the hall and smiled at her. Trish held out her hands, pulling Mac into a hug when she reached her. Mac felt an impression of soft clothes, warm hands and the scent of Chanel.

Then Trish released her, but held onto her hands. "It's so good to see you my dear. It's been too long."

"Yes, it has." Mac smiled at the man standing next to Trish. "Hello Mr. Burnett."

"Oh please, call me Frank. You're family now. Or at least you better be or Harm has some explaining to do." Harm laughed as he came up beside them after shutting the door. Mattie was leading him. He started to answer "Well, I –"

"Let me see the ring!" Mattie interjected; reaching up to take Mac's left hand.

"It's so beautiful!" She looked up at woman who would become an important part of her life. "I'm glad that you finally found each other." Harm watched as Mac hesitated for a moment, and he realized what had caused her anxiety at the door. Mac and Mattie had spent time together but it had been as acquaintances, people who didn't know what their connection was for sure, and both afraid to form a bond that might never be given a chance to grow and solidify.

_**And I swear it all over again**_  
But as he watched, unsure of what to do, Mac amazed him again. She knelt beside the teen's chair and drew the young woman into a hug. Mattie banded her arms around Mac and Harm's eyes lifted to his mother's, which were unsurprisingly misty.

"Harm would you like a drink?" He nodded at Frank, rubbing his hands together. "Sounds good. We'll leave these ladies to ohh and ahh over the ring some more."

They ate dinner that night at the dining room table that Harm remembered sharing many meals in. But something was different this time. He'd always felt like a family with his mother and Frank, after they'd resolved their differences of course. But that night he felt like a piece of himself which had been missing ever since he could remember suddenly shifted into place. He was filled with warmth as he watched Mattie brag about her latest physio accomplishment, Mac and Trish glancing at each other and chuckling over a joke that only women understood. Frank was mostly silent, but Harm saw the fond glances he bestowed on Mattie as she referred to him as Grandpa Frank. The way he held Trish's hand naturally, without a second thought.

_**All over again**_  
He felt Mac squeeze his own hand and looked back at her. He leaned over and kissed her, almost forgetting that there were other people in the room. Mattie laughed at them.

"And to think that a few months ago I had to badger you just to that you would admit that you loved her. Imagine if you'd told her then." Harm waggled a finger at his ward, smiling when she merely stuck out her tongue at him. "I don't need anymore reminders of how long we've been waiting for this. I'm just glad that we're all here, together."


End file.
